Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
