and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
