Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Who died my cat blue again?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
