If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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