how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
