So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
