I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Come share oat with me in your robe
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
