I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I intend to get homeless drunk
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Did I show you my penis last night?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
