totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Enjoy the penises
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
