all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Naked. naked and bneed help.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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