Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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