Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
