Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
