Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
so much tequila, so little girl.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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