I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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