dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
