please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
