Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
