So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
its liver damage thursday
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
