don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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