my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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