guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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