Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
