uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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