There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
