Nicole vs. Life
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
