i may or may not be watching the land before time
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
