apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
