I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
