i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
