I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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