Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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