you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Is Oprah even human
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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