genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
