i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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