Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
