Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
