Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
