I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
