Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
