I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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