Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
