I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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