so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
