I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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