Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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