ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
