The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
