soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
