So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
