During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
